November 8, 2021 by Cowboys and Crossbones

The Man. The Myth. The Birthday Legend

Oh dads.

If you are lucky enough to have a dad, have had one or a father figure in your life, then you win. A familiar fixture on this blog and in my life, my dada celebrates his day of birth (along with his twin!) today. Aunt Crazy Pants once doled out advice that I didn’t think much of at the time when I was younger. She said (during some stupid crazy boy drama, no doubt) “No man will ever love you the way your dad loves you.”

This didn’t really dawn on me until I was an “adult” (a term I use for myself extremely loosely these days) and a dude I was living with said to me, “I can’t treat you like your dad treats you.”

BOY BYEEEEEEEEEEE.

I guess I never had to think about it because of the jackpot I scored when my dad chose to be mine. A knight in shining (well, in his case probably rusty) armour. A frugal on the allowance guy whose driving abilities were always affected by how loudly the radio was playing in unknown territory (TURN DOWN Q.102 GIRLS WE’RE IN DES MOINES!). A dad who commuted four hours daily to work but rarely missed an extra curricular activity. A dude who could scare boyfriends shitless with his size but is actually a giant, goofy Teddy Bear.

A father who not only duct taped my glasses together in the third grade (hence the short-lived nickname “Ducky” by the oh-so-sweet 10-year-olds) but also uses the same magic to keep my bumper adhered to my car as an “adult”.

A dad who tells you to “tough it up” when you’re sitting in the superintendent’s office, holding a bloody chin after being hit in the face with a baseball bat during P.E. but remains strong and silent decades later when he’s driving you to the hospital after being raped.

So yeah, Aunt Crazy Pants and her advice rings true – best of luck to a dude ever living up to The Man, The Myth, My Legend.

Celebrating the Big Fella today, please join me as I share some of the valuable…

LESSONS FROM MY LEGEND

You should always have your family’s back…

… even if they often attack.

Throw your hands up in the air…

…and wave them like I just don’t care.

Even if you’re a dork inside…

…it’s no matter if you’re cool on the outside.

The art of muscle blowing is unique.

Passed down to generations for upkeep.

Pink isn’t just for girls…

…guys often put the color on for a whirl.

Sequins should be in my everyday attire…

… as you gave me the first bedazzled top I ever acquired.

It’s OK to stand out in a crowd…

…just be sure to do it loud and proud.

Giving is better than receiving…

…except when you let your three-year-old open your gift to be appeasing.

The importance of slathering on sunscreen daily…

…just be sure to not get too crazy.

The significance of jazz hands…

…often help when making demands.

It’s not a road trip…

…unless you have rot gut vodka and your finger to mix.

Reminding me there’s more than one fish in the sea…

…especially whenever a boy has been mean to me.

Being the life of the party…

…is like leading one big, fun army.

The duo that shoots shots together…

…stays together.

…even while pigging out at the Iowa State Fair.

It’s OK to relax…

…after a day has been crap.

You’ve carried me through physical hard times…

…even if sometimes it was from too much self-inflicted wine.

Tipping my Skinny Pirates when my nails are drying…

…because you know there’s a silver lining.

Most importantly, not all heroes wear capes…

…just dads who pick us up no matter our proverbial scrapes.

So let us all raise our glasses today…

…and cheers your birthday away!

Those are just a few of my lessons from…

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

Happy Birthday Dada!

Join the twins in a sing-a-long to Coo Coo…

(of course we do not have normal monikers such as Grandpa in my classy family)

We love you.

CBXB

March 21, 2013 by Cowboys and Crossbones

How to Pop Someone’s Strawberry Cherry

It’s no secret that I love cocktails (if you regularly read this blog you probably just thought ‘no shit’ – if you’re new (welcome!), I have rum running through my veins. Yes, I’m a walking miracle).

Once in a while I cheat (rarely) on the ever reliable Captain with a strawberry martini from The Cheesecake Factory (you just go there for the cheesecake? Silly you!). Before you turn your nose up thinking I drink like a sorority sister, please know that this oh so delicious cocktail contains straight vodka, fresh strawberry juice (they muddle the berries when ordered – so I’m the bartender’s worst nightmare because you know I don’t just have one) and a squeeze of lemon. So basically it’s a glass of vodka (which is why I love it so).

I was out for PBDs (pre-birthday drinks – like I’ve said before, I celebrate ALL month) with my gal pal G when she confessed she’d never had the famous (in my world) ‘tini. The horror! What kind of friend am I to let this fabulous girl go so long without this heavenly cocktail? We immediately ordered a round.

Prepping for the de-virginization.

And while we were only going to have one, once this concoction hits your lips it’s over.

Two just won’t do.

So we had another….

Yep, we asked the waitress to snap another pic. No shame.

And then another, turning our quick cocktail into a bottomless happy hour.

A virgin no more.

Surprisingly we accidentally got tipsy (which I do all the time – read more about that here)…but a little liquor never hurt for one’s first time, right?

CBXB

March 19, 2013 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Nashville’s 90210 St. Patio Party

Remember this piece of shit umbrella that helped add ambiance to the 90210 neighborhood of Nashville in which I reside? If not, do yourself a favor and click here to read about it.

The once khaki, now a nice shade of mold green umbrella.

After reading about my contribution to trashiness last week, my dad decided to give me a pre-birthday gift (PBGs are THE BEST, as I celebrate my upcoming birthday the entire month of March) in the form of a little patio makeover (my dad initially helped me complete my patio wing, which took an entire year to complete – read about the loooooong process here) on St. Patty’s Day.

First, “we” started by blowing the ugly out of the yard (I contributed by snapping pics).

Leprechaun lawn boy.

Then to spruce up the corner of my sidewalk, “we” prepped the area for a trio of daffodils.

Dig faster!

Spring has sprung in my corner of Nashville

Spring has sprung in my tiny corner of Nashville.

I served as the Project Manager as my folks worked on filling the umbrella base with sand.

I served as the Project Manager. Jewels, not tools.

Remember my nails are jewels, not tools. Therefore I was forced to drink my cocktail instead of touch sand.

Blonde moment 4,325 – did you know that by putting sand in the umbrella base you can avert disasters like this? Me either.

Maybe sand would have prolonged the short life of my previous umbrella….oops.

Blonde moment 4,326 – did you know that when you put sand in this contraption, you put it in the smaller opening? Me either.

The large hole is for the umbrella…

While I was having all kinds of light bulbs go off in my blonde brain outside, Ted was desperately seeking attention trying to claw his way through my storm door.

LET. ME. OUT.

When I went to fawn all over him, this is what I was welcomed by…

A ruined rug.

And as I went to capture his ‘guilty’ mug, this is what I got…

When I came in to scold, this is all I got.

A tongue in my face. THE NERVE.

But I’ll take a ruined rug for a spruced up party wing!

I wonder if this will look like Christmas decor when I start growing mold on it with my green thumbs?

And as we did the year before, we christened the patio with cocktails (duh, how else do would I do it?).

All of the last year’s hard work commenced with vodka lemonades…

And this year we clinked our glasses with Irish green dream drinks during our St. Patio Party.

Making the ‘hood a tad classier with my spruced up party patio back in action due to my PBG (can you tell I hate my birthday?).

Neighbors, you’re welcome.

CBXB

March 18, 2013 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Weekend Winks – Liquor Style

Captain, gin, vodka, oh my!

What would a Nashville Friday be without a Skinny Pirate keeping me company?

Kickin’ the weekend off with Captain.

After a few rounds on the patio, I moved inside and spread my liquor lovin’ wings to a cucumber gin martini, which turned out to be ultra tasty.

Who knew I liked gin? I live on the edge.

I greeted Saturday am with an adorable picture from my nephew in Iowa. He’s just crazy about this blog.

Supporting his Auntie CBXB!

My gal Coco spotted this clutch at a local Nashville boutique, Fire Finch. A little Alexander McQueenish, a little CBXB – but still $72 and out of my budget.

Alexander McQueenish clutch my friend snapped.

Diamonds and skulls are a girl’s best friend!

Ted spent the entire weekend enjoying the spring weather.

How much is that kitty in the window?

So much so, that he tried to break free from his ‘prison’ by busting through the screen.

Not so clever kitty.

I slipped on my pot-o-gold shoes and headed to the movies Saturday night.

Of course I did a little bar tending inside the theater…cocktails make movie going so much more fun!

Sneaky leprechaun.

Still thirsty after having to share my movie cocktail, we headed to get a nightcap at the Cheesecake Factory, where I always order the heavenly strawberry martini.

Is this heaven? No, it’s vodka.

St. Patty’s Day called for dazzling up my Glamingo in traditional Irish threads (and yes, I realize I’m a grown ass woman dressing a flamingo…nothing I can really say to this except that Teddy was thrilled to be relieved of holiday dress up duty this year).

Beach bird blessed with Irish luck.

A hike in the park proved no leprechaun sightings.

On the hunt for my pot of gold.

Parched after my 6 mile jaunt, I quenched my thirst with a green dream.

Trio of cheers!

Ted’s Uncle Elvis came in for a play date – and immediately took over Mr. Bear’s perch in the bathroom.

Color coordinating with zebra print.

My mom brought in a pre-birthday gift (PBG) to commence my celebration that I like to drag out the entire month of March.

A little pre-birthday gifts...kick starting my

Party time!

The cats could have cared less about one another once tissue from my gifts hit the floor.

More interested in the crinkly tissue than one another

Who cares about the other cat when there’s crinkly tissue?

We took our green party cocktails to the patio, enjoying the last bit of weather and weekend.

After all of the hoopla, Teddy spent the rest of his Sunday like this….

Pooped pussy.

And I did too!

CBXB

February 25, 2013 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Weekend Winks

A fun Friday night out to see the Nashville Predators take on the Vancouver Canuks.

First Mate and I hanging at the arena bar (I mean, where else would we meet?)!

To keep the cost of drinks down (arena prices are $7 for a single, $14 for a double and you all know what I’d order), I stash my own flask and become a very germaphobe bar tender in a bathroom stall.

Up to no good.

The toilet paper dispenser acts as my bar, I stuff the lid in my mouth (to keep germs at bay) and pour out half of the Sprite (it was a vodka night) in the toilet (being sure to keep the cup three feet above the seat).

Classy bathroom bar with an even classier bar tender.

I have a thing for mascots. I mean a crazy lady thing (which won’t come as a surprise when I tell you that the Preds mascot is a giant cat). Here’s my boyfriend, Gnash making his appearance, repelling down from the ceiling.

He’s such a stud.

With great seats and a vodka filled cup, fun times were had although the Preds lost 1-0.

Even Carrie Underwood’s pretty husband (yes, he’s pretty, not handsome) couldn’t help the team score.

Even Carrie Underwood's pretty hubs couldn't help.

But Mike Fisher was fun to oogle over anyhow.

Being the fashion diva I think I am, what about this ensemble…backpack, knee-length (which look good on…who?) Mom shorts and sneakers with no socks?

Enough to drive me to drink! So I did.

Upon leaving the game and heading toward the honky tonks, this gentleman kindly reminded the crowd that if you don’t live a clean life, you’ll go to hell.

In case you were wondering…

Where do you think I’ll go?

Heaven or Hell?

Once again at Robert’s Western World (for the second time in two days…think the band members are pretty sure I’m stalking them), The Don Kelley Band played my favorite dancing song – only this time I didn’t have to dance alone (read all about it here).

The fabulous Joe Fick singing “Bird is the Word.”

This time around, my dancing skills scored me a crisp $100 bill.

OK, really someone’s friend wanted to buy us a round but gave me the dough, so I pretended it was a tip. (A girl can dream about her dancing skills!)

The overload of cocktail money caused me to pull double duty on the drinks.

Art of the double fist.

Due to the amounts of liquor consumed, Friday was a late night and Teddy was a little bitch on Saturday because I’d interrupted his beauty sleep at 2am.

Not a happy camper.

As I was gearing up for my Saturday evening events, I chose some new kicks to debut. Only thing is they creaked with every single step I took.

Is there a WD-40 for boots?

A quick happy hour with gal pals to commence my Saturday festivities.

Friends and cocktails good way to begin Saturday evening

Another round please!

Seeing my very favorite bar tender – who pours Skinny Pirates perfectly (he’s actually the one who nailed the concoction all those years ago at Dalts. Sigh).

Think he makes house calls?

Making the switch from my Captain to red wine, as I celebrated a birthday at a swanky little Nashville Italian joint.

When in Rome….

On Sunday, I excitedly anticipated the Academy Awards while Teddy was still in recovery from my late weekend nights.

My Oscar evening included champagne and pretty pink (what else would you expect?) frosted cupcakes.

Fancy cupcake for the fancy evening.

Teddy got a second wind and insisted on sitting in the front row for the actual awards broadcast.

My Oscar view.

And I’m happily starting Monday off in this fabulous, bedazzled skull studded tank my gal Tina gifted me this weekend (think she knows me very well?).

Stargin Monday off bedazzled in my new threads from my girlie, Tina.

Kickin’ ass and takin’ names today!

Here’s hoping you do the same.

CBXB

LESSONS FROM MY LEGEND

… even if they often attack.

Throw your hands up in the air…

…and wave them like I just don’t care.

Even if you’re a dork inside…

…it’s no matter if you’re cool on the outside.

The art of muscle blowing is unique.

Passed down to generations for upkeep.

Pink isn’t just for girls…

…guys often put the color on for a whirl.

Sequins should be in my everyday attire…

… as you gave me the first bedazzled top I ever acquired.

It’s OK to stand out in a crowd…

…just be sure to do it loud and proud.

Giving is better than receiving…

…except when you let your three-year-old open your gift to be appeasing.

The importance of slathering on sunscreen daily…

…just be sure to not get too crazy.

The significance of jazz hands…

…often help when making demands.

It’s not a road trip…

…unless you have rot gut vodka and your finger to mix.

Reminding me there’s more than one fish in the sea…

…especially whenever a boy has been mean to me.

Being the life of the party…

…is like leading one big, fun army.

The duo that shoots shots together…

…stays together.

It’s important to share…

…even while pigging out at the Iowa State Fair.

It’s OK to relax…

…after a day has been crap.

You’ve carried me through physical hard times…

…even if sometimes it was from too much self-inflicted wine.

Tipping my Skinny Pirates when my nails are drying…

…because you know there’s a silver lining.

Most importantly, not all heroes wear capes…

…just dads who pick us up no matter our proverbial scrapes.

So let us all raise our glasses today…

…and cheers your birthday away!

Those are just a few of my lessons from…

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

We love you.