October 8, 2014 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Weekend Winks – Football ‘n’ Flu

Funny how one minute we can be knocking back shots and the next be laid flat-out on the bathroom floor.

From this….

2.5 seconds flat. Not the four seasons but it will do.

…to this in 2.5 seconds flat.

It all started on a happy note Saturday.

With my Iowa Hawkeyes off on a bye week, I was headed to a tailgate for the Ole Miss vs. Alabama game. The hostess, Lady, is a Mississippi chick through and through and requested that I cheer on her team. But come to find out, I don’t own any navy (the horror reversecommuter!) so I concocted my own anti-Alabama attire with the help of some duct tape (which I’m sure assisted Ole Miss with their victory).

Classy dressing at its finest.

Lady and the duct taped Tramp.

As all of my friends are crazy about procreating, the tailgate was toddler friendly with much of the halftime show featuring free-flowing tears.

Who needs a marching band when you have this for entertainment?

Feeling left out (and guilty) because I left my two-year-old feline at home (anybody know where I can get a cat papoose?), I scooped up a kid to feel included.

Rent-a-baby looks natural on me, yes?

But all of the fun and games came to a crashing halt with the sudden regurgitation of everything I’d consumed over the weekend. First thinking it was food poisoning but quickly resigning to the fact that it was the stomach flu as I camped out on the bathroom floor overnight to alleviate my body from over exerting itself in the mad dash from my bed the toilet every 45 minutes.

Not the Four Seasons but it will do.

In the wee hours of Sunday morning, I texted my buddy Camo to see if he had any anti-nausea medicine he could drop off the following day. Not only did he have quick dissolving tablets to trick my body into absorption (instead of the expulsion it was doing to everything else I tried), he delivered it at 4am along with some hydrating fluids.

Knight in shining Camo.

Unable to watch TV due to pulsating eyelids, I kept up on highlights of a family wedding I was missing out on in Iowa.

Wedding shenanigans and photo bombs.

When it came time to the caretaking, I’m sure you all know who was the first in line for snuggle duty.

Ted cold shouldering New Cat out of nursing duties.

Mr. Bear cold shouldering New Cat out of nursing responsibilities.

Even with all of the cat cuddles, my stomach still hated my guts. But my gal pal G (the one who fights 80-year-olds) left a sweet surprise outside of my door after she picked up a prescription for me.

My friends kick ass.

And while still on the mend, I’m pretty sure my most demanding pussy will insist I stay home sick every day.

Mother lover.

Here’s hoping your week has been and remains healthier than mine!

CBXB

May 15, 2013 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Tennessee Truck Trash

The state of Tennessee (along with Kentucky, Alabama and Mississippi) is often referred to as “The Armpit of America,” and when I first relocated to the greenest state in the land of the free it took all of three seconds to understand the moniker.

It seems that white trash folks live above the Mason-Dixon Line, where as red necks (who are really proud to boast about being one) generally reside in the South. And to be a proper red neck, you need a truck because they come in handy for attaching larger than life tires, they are used for muddin’ (yes it’s a sport down here) and with a truck, you don’t care if your window falls out or if you need a ladder to climb into the cab.

My buddy Chris (complete in camo) caught in mud after a day of turkey hunting. Looks devastated (more like delighted), huh?

This proud truck owner apparently needs a ladder to climb up to the driver’s seat with the oversized tires in which he opted to attach to his ride. It makes so much sense for driving around Nashville, right?

Up the ladder to the truck, where you can see heaven much better!

Due to the photo quality you can’t quite see the beauty in this truck’s license plate….

PRKRIND. Sound it out…

On the same Nashville interstate, I found this clever driver who decided glass was too fancy for his rear window. He opted for plastic and duct tape (my favorite), which really classes the vehicle up – don’t you agree?

Duct tape to the rescue!

This lovely SUV owner obviously takes Tennessee trash quite literally.

Taking pride in garbage.

Trashed dash.

Of course after seeing my fellow statesmen class up our city, I had to get in on the trashy Tennessee shenanigans. Since my dream car is a Range Rover, I thought I’d just go ahead and own one – all it took was a marker, packing tape and cardboard. A true dream come true – for free!

Think my new vehicle can handle the car wash?

Just keepin’ it ultra classy with my fellow Tennesseeans (does this mean I’m now a red neck?!)…

CBXB

January 10, 2013 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Keep Calm and Tape On

I have such an ongoing love affair with tape, my last name should be Scotch. I’ve used leopard duct tape to decorate planters (click here to view) and to spruce up my vintage couch Teddy sank his claws into because I forgot (mom of the year!) to feed him (to read about His Royal Highness’ bitchiness, click here).

I am always looking for ways to spruce up my mini-manse (with no budget, of course) without adding to the volume of belongings I already stuff into every nook and cranny of my place without becoming a featured episode on Hoarders. So here’s my newest creation that cost a whopping $4.49.

Laundry Wing in my mini-manse complete!

Every time I walk through my front door (my only door to the outside world), the first thing I see is the bland Laundry Wing of my mini-manse (the doors slide open and without having to move an inch, you’re in the laundry room – lucky me not having to burn any extra calories walking to the other side of my place!).

Ho Hum Laundry Wing

I’ve often thought about painting the doors but never took the plunge, as I want my security deposit back (if I ever leave renter’s land). So when I spotted a roll of black masking tape at work, I had an Aha! moment. Why haven’t I considered my beloved tape for a DIY project? Hello blonde moment.

Here’s what you’ll need to spruce up any wing (with doors) in your very own manse:

Scissors. Your choice color of tape.

Be sure you choose a matte type of tape – the shinier the tape’s surface, the more flaws will show (uneven cut lines in my case).

Cut tape. Apply. Very hard.

I started eyeball ‘measuring’ the pieces by lining them up with the lines below and cutting the tape just a little longer.

As I moved on, I cut the tape at an angle. When I did a straight cut, the corners seemed thick and uneven (I’m such a perfectionist with my eyeballing of measurements and all).

After seeing my initial result I was in LOVE (and thought I was an instant interior designer, patting myself on the back). I had to apply two layers of tape for each crevice but by using the black matte color you can barely tell (unless your eyes are centimeters away from the doors).

Once I finished all of the doors, I was worried that the masking tape might not be adhesive enough to last as long as I wished. So I got out my trusty Mod Podge in another moment of my sheer geniusness (these moments are very far and few between for me).

Modge Podge and sponge brush for corners or thin layer around all tape.

Mod Podge I had on hand (but would cost you about $5.00 if you didn’t). Foam brush, $0.99.

A very thin coat of my favorite gloss-lustre did the trick.

And now here’s what I see as I prance into my lair…

Go give your own Laundry Wing some love!

All of my other boring white doors in various wings of my mini-manse are so jealous.

Can you blame them?

CBXB

August 23, 2012 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Leopard Lovin’ Pot

**Update: It is now 2018 and I still have this decorative flower pot. AND I keep it outside year round in Tennessee.**

I don’t really care for the plain and usual if it can be funky and fabulous.

And after my couch mending (see My Cat is Bitchier Than Your Cat), I thought of another way to use the leopard duct tape (it’s not just for couch corners and eye glasses anymore, folks!) for sprucing up my flowerpots. I always want the pretty, colored planters but hate parting with the loot (happy hours aren’t always cheap when you drink a fine liquor like Captain Morgan – well specials just won’t cut it), so I usually stick with the boring old plastic containers. And then, a stroke of genius appeared with the little miracle of duct tape (once again, Dad’s right. It really can be used for everything).

Here’s what you’ll need:

Get your favorite duct tape (I’d do anything but the silver. Then it really looks like you’ve broken the pot and are taping it back together. You’re classier than that!), scissors and packing tape.

Cut the duct tape into strips – I did about 4″-5″ per piece. If you do anything longer, the tape will start to bend up and the lines won’t be as straight (I’m a picky perfectionist – if it doesn’t bother you, don’t worry about it).

Once you have covered the entire pot with the decorative duct tape, use the clear packing tape over the entire area (same size of strips). This will help the duct tape from peeling and acts as a water barrier if you keep your plant outside (it’s rained for days since my pot received its makeover and all tape is still in tact).

I’ve never seen a fern quite so happy to be confined to a flowerpot, have you?

And that my fabulous friends is how to turn a boring old brown flowerpot into some fine lookin’ flower power. Get to it!

CBXB

August 16, 2012 by Cowboys and Crossbones

My Cat is Bitchier Than Your Cat

How my feline friend lead me to become a creative master in the art of reupholstering.

Teddy Bear can really be a little bitch sometimes.

Touchy Teddy B, sticking his tongue out instead of smiling. He’s worse than a Jr. High girl going through puberty. Seriously.

Lately, I might as well be getting up to nurse an f’ing newborn because TB starts meowing (in which he sounds like a tiny sheep) around 3am. Then he comes in a little closer to the bed at 3:04 am. A little louder and just out of arm’s reach at 3:07am. I put the pillow over my head, turn my sound machine up and all of a sudden my little sheep cat is roaring his head off like a lion.

When he first started doing this, I’d get up to coax him back to bed but he wanted to play chase. Such fun every night at 3:13am. I would go to pick him up and he’d run (for what seemed like his life – I might as well have been threatening to de-claw him with pliers) under the kitchen table. As soon as I’d crouch down by the table, he’d race into the bathroom behind the toilet, and so on…therefore, I started to ignore him. Because he’s really just seeing if I will get up and give into him, right?

Well, this cat means business. So much so, I was considering how to reupholster a section of my vintage sofa. As I was getting my beauty sleep amid the white noise of my sound machine (on the highest volume setting) TB was up to no good.

Here’s Ted’s interpretation of a temper tantrum (again, like a Jr. High girl):

Teddy Krueger at his finest.

Of course I couldn’t find the little shit when I discovered this treasure and racked my brain contemplating how to patch this corner (the front, exposed so everyone can see it corner, naturally). And I came up with a solution that fit right in with my eclectic, budget conscious household. Duct tape.

Growing up, I my dad taught me that duct tape can fix anything (even your big, red glasses in 3rd grade. You simply put the duct tape over the piece that snapped off, which in my case was right in the middle, where the glasses sit on one’s nose and pretend as if nothing is wrong. Which is why much to my delight, I was nicknamed Ducky. Kids are so sweet). In my current case, applying my father’s knowledge, I found leopard duct tape and ‘reupholstered’ the corner of my couch.

Cheapest (and probably cheapest looking) DIY job ever! But it does the trick.

The $4 duct tape fix. Leopard duct tape, $3.99 for one roll. Target. Dad’s practical solution!

In reality, Teddy was just trying to help me spruce up my space a tad. Because once he got his claw stuck in the duct tape, he never set his sights on my couch again. Oh, and those 3am wake up cries? Seems he was needing food, as I was forgetting to feed him before bed (guess this would be why I don’t have kids). So now, I feed the damn bear at night and all of my furniture has remained in tact. For now.

CBXB

Cowboys and Crossbones

All things that kick ass!

Tag Archives: duct tape

Weekend Winks – Football ‘n’ Flu

Tennessee Truck Trash

Keep Calm and Tape On

Leopard Lovin’ Pot

My Cat is Bitchier Than Your Cat