Oh dads.
If you are lucky enough to have one or have had one in your life, then you win. A familiar fixture on this blog and in my life, my dad celebrates his day of birth (along with his twin!) today. Aunt Crazy Pants once doled out advice that I didn’t think much of at the time when I was younger. She said (during some stupid crazy boy drama, no doubt) “No man will ever love you the way your dad loves you.”
This didn’t really dawn on me until I was an “adult” (a term I use for myself extremely loosely these days) and a dude I was living with said to me, “I can’t treat you like your dad treats you.”
BOY BYE.
I guess I never had to think about it because of the jackpot I scored when my dad chose to be mine. A knight in shining (well, in his case probably rusty) armour. A frugal on the allowance guy whose driving abilities were always affected by how loudly the radio was playing in unknown territory (TURN DOWN Q.102 GIRLS WE’RE IN DES MOINES!). A dad who commuted four hours daily to work but rarely missed an extra curricular activity. A dude who could scare boyfriends shitless with his size but is actually a giant, goofy Teddy Bear.
A father who not only duct taped my glasses together in the third grade (hence the short-lived nickname “Ducky”) but also uses the same magic to keep my bumper adhered to your car as an “adult”.
A dad who tells you to “tough it up” when you’re sitting in the superintendent’s office, holding a bloody chin after being hit in the face with a baseball bat during PE but remains strong and silent decades later when he’s driving you to the hospital after being raped.
So yeah, Aunt Crazy Pants and her advice rings true – best of luck to a dude ever living up to The Man, The Myth, My Legend.
As we celebrate the Big Fella today, please join me as I share some of the valuable…
LESSONS FROM MY LEGEND
You should always have your family’s back…
… even if they often attack.
Throw your hands up in the air…
…and wave them like I just don’t care.
Even if you’re a dork inside…
…it’s no matter if you’re cool on the outside.
The art of muscle blowing is unique.
Passed down to generations…
… and generations …
…to upkeep.
Pink isn’t just for girls…
…guys often put the color on for a whirl.
Sequins should be in my everyday attire…
… as you gave me the first bedazzled top I ever acquired.
It’s OK to stand out in a crowd…
…just be sure to do it loud and proud.
Giving is better than receiving…
…except when you let your three year old open your gift to be appeasing.
The importance of slathering on sunscreen daily…
…just be sure to not get too crazy.
The significance of jazz hands…
…often help when making demands.
It’s not a road trip…
…unless you have rot gut vodka and your finger to mix.
Reminding me there’s more than one fish in the sea…
…especially whenever a boy has been mean to me.
Being the life of the party…
…is like leading one big…
…fun army.
The duo that shoots shots together…
…stays together.
It’s important to share…
…even while pigging out at the Iowa State Fair.
It’s OK to relax…
…after a day has been crap.
You’ve carried me through physical hard times…
…even if sometimes it was from too much self-inflicted wine.
Tipping my Skinny Pirates when my nails are drying…
…because you know there’s a silver lining.
Most importantly, not all heroes wear capes…
…just dads who pick us up no matter our proverbial scrapes.
So let us all raise our glasses today…
…and cheers your birthday away!
Those are just a few of my lessons from…
The Man. The Myth. The Legend.
Happy Birthday Dada!
CBXB
Cowboys and Crossbones 