January 9, 2015 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Merry Moments

I’m baaaack!

Miss me? Because I missed you as I greeted 2015 with about ten extra holiday pounds and 40,401 less brain cells.

Hello 2015!

While on a blogging break, I hung with my two favorite pussies more than I care to admit in Christmas pajamas.

Yep. Still a crazy cat lady.

I played reindeer games in hopes that Saint Nicholas would soon make an appearance.

All dolled up with no Santa in sight.

Ted nestled down in his Juicy Couture Pussy Palace while visions of life without New Cat danced around in his furry head.

Nestled all snug in his Juicy Couture Pussy Palace.

Seriously contemplating how to get rid of NC. I raise sweet cats.

A key for Santa was accompanied by my favorite treat.

Who wants milk when you can have Captain?

Christmas morning found Princess B playing her kick ass guitar from Auntie CBXB that makes all kinds of loud, annoying noise.

Rock star in the making.

While Prince B got his very own puppy from me.

I almost wrapped up New Cat but settled on this instead.

And Princess B was so upset that she didn’t receive a stuffed dog too, she taught my mom a less by punching her in the face.

BItch slapping Mama CBXB for not gifting her a stuffed puppy.

WHERE’S MY PUPPY GIGI?!

And so she stole Prince B’s gift.

Mine. All mine.

While I stole all of the chips and AE French Onion dip in the house.

‘Tis the season of overeating….

Which came in handy as I was leaving for Miami the following day.

Toes in the sand with my chip and dip gut.

But I visited the local Jewish Community Center where I tried to work off my Christmas caloric intake but couldn’t figure out how to use the damn equipment.

Workout fail.

Trying to shed ten pounds in one morning didn’t really work out in my favor but that was OK as I was too busy kissing 2014 goodbye to care.

I love you Captain.

I also got to hang with some real hipsters who obviously got all dolled up for the big night.

He had chips and dip over the holiday too.

And as it came down to the final seconds of 2014, I celebrated in my normal subtle way.

Double horns for double NYE excitement!

There was much to anticipate in the early days of 2015 – like one more Iowa Hawkeye football game. And while I wasn’t with my family to celebrate in our traditional game day ways, we still ‘tailgated’ together.

Representing the Hawks on the beach.

Overalls on in Tennessee.

Preparations for the game being made in Iowa by Prince B.

While Princess B could give two shits about the upcoming game, as she was still busy with her brother’s puppy.

When the ominous clouds rolled in over the beach, I shoulda known what was going to happen as the Hawks have had a piss poor season. Even though we were playing an equally dismal team, the University of Tennessee Volunteers, I just knew it would be a good game, forgetting the fact that I attended one of the top party schools in the nation (according to a 2013 report). So I suppose fun in the sun got the better of my team.

Lightning did not strike for my Hawkeyes.

After a 21-0 Vols lead in the first quarter I was suddenly thrilled that I didn’t make any bets with the Tennessee fans around me. Finally in the third quarter of the game Iowa scored but still managed to make the Tennessee Vols look like a Superbowl team.

A much needed celebration touchdown shot.

The Vols had not won a post season game since 2008 and I was less than thrilled that my Hawkeyes were able to grant them a big W with a final score of 45-28. And so I did what any fan would do after losing a hideously named Taxslayer Bowl…

Drowning in my salt water sorrows.

Upon my arrival back to Nashville, I was greeted with fuck you flowers from my buddy and Vols fan, Camo.

Greeted back to Nashville with Tennessee colored flowers compliments of my buddy and Vols fan Camo. So sweet.

A masked insult in a lovely bouquet.

And I thought maybe 2015 wasn’t starting off on the right foot…

Maybe we didn't start the new year off on the right foot afterall...

Um, I think I miss you 2014.

Until I ran into my best friend at Dalts, which made everything right in the world again.

Skinny Pirates to the rescue!

So now I am back in love with the idea of a new year and I plan to kick 2015’s ass.

I hope you do, too.

CBXB

April 23, 2014 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Key West Clicks

Oh the perks of a beach vacation…

Being the lucky gal that I am, saying yes to a trip to Key West for a break in the dreary Tennessee weather was not a hard decision. What does one do while on the way to a beach destination?

Greet lunch with a fruity cocktail, naturally.

Vacations require cocktails at all times.

What better way to prepare your bod to slip into a bikini than to stuff your face with fresh crab claws and french fries?

Thank God swimsuits contain elastic.

Instead of racing into lycra, I thought about being tied up and roasted for someone else’s dinner after all of the noontime sodium collected in my gut.

CBXB hog roast.

Checking into the hotel, I could hardly wait to see where I’d be sipping my morning Bloody Mary’s…

Balcony fail.

But the view from my vacation porch didn’t really matter much because I immediately planted my crab claw happy ass here…

Successful view.

After a hard day soaking up the sun, it was time to research the Key West nightlife. I had a difficult time deciding if this particular bar would be a good choice or not…

Should I stay or should I go now?

After an evening filled with Skinny Pirates, a sunset and me remaining fully clothed I decided to detox with yoga on the beach the next morning.

Namaste.

Practicing yoga under palm trees with the sound of ocean waves in the distance sounded to good to be true.

Little slice of paradise.

And anything that sounds too good to be true usually is, right?

TRUTH.

Because just as the few folks who were ferocious enough to put their vacay hangovers aside and partake in yoga we were greeted with this unsightly horror…

Fucking seriously.

And while you may be thinking what’s wrong with a baby at beachside yoga (aside from everything), there’s something even more wrong with the fact that there were two (yes TWO) Pomeranian puppies in that stupid stroller (I say this as an animal lover) that did nothing but whine, whine, whimper, bark and whine every other second for the full hour.

The pups resembled Ted’s adorable buddy Nigel above but quickly turned into the most heinous dogs ever with their incessant noise.

There’s nothing more relaxing than concentrating (bark) on perfecting (whine) a plank (bark bark) with two (whimper whimper whimper) upset dogs. What made these little fur balls even more annoying? The fact that both their humans completely ignored their yammering while they were doing downward dogs. Yes, parents can make even the most adorable kids ugly to others. Congratulations to the vacationing idiots.

After the most non-relaxing hour of yoga in history, I started in on the day’s real matter of business.

Driven to drink by dogs and stupid humans.

So I parked it on my favorite lounge chair to begin the day’s vacation festivities.

Why can’t reading by the pool while sipping cocktails be a real job?

I would be a star employee.

Although I could never keep the fruit attached to the rim of my glass.

Lime fail #27.

I would probably be the first employee ever to be fired from beachside lounging with cocktails…

No moonshine on the beach? Oops.

One of the best features of Key West is being able to stroll along the street, stop into bars and carry cocktails down to the Sunset Pier.

See ya tomorrow.

I thought the next best thing to the sunset was a band (that didn’t play anything other than Phish songs – a fail in my book) that had a dog on stage. Seeing this chillaxin’ canine melted any animosity I held against the entire species due to those yapping yoga puppies.

Can I have your dog? Please?

Watching sunsets and admiring dogs can leave one famished, so naturally you must cram your face full of swimsuit busting food.

Working on my bikini body.

Then have a nightcap (or three) at the World’s Smallest Bar.

Seriously. That tiny.

And because even in flip-flops my feet ache after walking 10 too many steps, I jumped at the first chance I could to cruise in the most gorgeous cab I’ve ever laid eyes on.

Can you drive me back to Nashville?

You know you’ve had a fabulous trip when this is how you feel about returning to ‘real’ life…

Why do vacations have to end?

If anyone is looking for a sidekick for their next beach getaway, holla at me! I’m an expert at drinking in the sun…

CBXB

April 9, 2014 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Adios Amigos!

Goodbye Nashville! Hello vacay!

A few weeks ago I was bitching and moaning that I had nothing on the books for Spring Break. The vacation Gods heard my whiny ass soon and soon I’ll be basking at the beach while cabana boys deliver endless umbrella adorned Skinny Pirates.

Teddy will be checking in on the blog (as he loves revisiting posts all about him, naturally) while I’m away.

Ted loving Ted.

Of course he’ll also be pining for me daily, so he’ll dramatically thrust himself into a fave blanket in my absence.

Feline fit for a soap opera.

New Cat has tried to pack himself among my sunscreen and sequins, although he miserably failed as he ripped every bag he tried to hide in to shreds.

Hi. I'm expensive. And I like it that way.

Where do you think you’re going?

While both of my pussies will be in beyond capable hands, I know I’ll be paying one high price upon my return (which is why I’ll be stocking up on cat nip while away).

If you hear of any breaking news on the beach, I had nothing to do with it….

Cheers!

CBXB

January 7, 2013 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Miami Moments

Coming down off of my Miami high proves to be difficult as the ‘winter’ weather (people here act like 40 degrees is sub-zero) rages on in Nashville.

I saw this sign in Juicy Couture at the Aventura Mall (LOVE this place) and wished I could rip it off the wall but my purse wasn’t big enough to stash it in.

I NEED this for my mini manse.

While on a stroll around a neighborhood, I saw the house (or the roof really) Ricky Martin just sold.

Here’s what shaking your hips will get you in Miami.

Beautiful bodies were all around in the Miami heat.

The view from my beach chair was amazing!

Drooling is always a must while browsing the posh stores nowhere near Nashville.

Hello!

On the flight home, the couple in the seat in front of me had on matching hats. They had to lift their front brims every time they smooched (once every three minutes). While some may think this situation was adorable, I wanted to tell them to take it to the plane’s bathroom.

Teddy and I need matching head accessories now.

While collecting my luggage, I caught a glimpse of what looked like the mother of all strollers.

Fancy wheels.

Turns out, it was a stroller – for three dogs. And, I thought I was a crazy lady (although I’m pretty sure Ted needs a stroller to accompany me everywhere now).

A fluffy crowd indeed.

The sight of the little fur balls made me miss my own all the more. Here’s the glimpse of the view I caught while walking up my front steps.

Tail whip.

And the warm welcome I received from TB.

Where the hell have you been?

While he’s all sweetness now, he will be hell on wheels in the very near future, punishing me for being gone consecutive days (although he was spoiled rotten at his grandparent’s house – so don’t fall for that pitiful face).

To see how this week is going for me, click here.

To see how this week is going to turn out for me, click here.

A much needed Skinny Pirate also welcomed me home.

Showing me the love.

After a couple SPs, I got a good night’s sleep with my clingy cat (which of course we all know I love and adore the attention).

Teddy, acting like we’ve been apart for three years.

And finally, I received this photo from my mini me’s mom. I thought I might burst from laughing so hard when I read the explanation that accompanied the image:

“A puppet of you. Complete with pink highlights and red lipstick – plus giant hoop earrings on the side. Made on the airplane. Creative use of barf bag.”

Never so flattered.

You know you’re somebody when your image ends up on a barf bag.

CBXB

October 10, 2012 by Cowboys and Crossbones

Booze Hound

It’s so classy getting your pup trashy and being that it’s White Trash Wednesday, I felt the need to feature my First Mate and her fur baby Jacey Kournikova.

First Mate loves her dog just as much as I carry the torch for the furry love of my life, Ted. Jacey can’t be left alone (she has separation anxiety so she goes to Grandma’s when we go get cocktails), gets to drink puppy lattes (whipped cream) in Starbucks cups, goes to work every day with her dad, has a passport so she can vacation with her parents and also gets to guzzle the occasional margarita.

Jacey and my First Mate living it up on the beach.

One of the many deep connections my First Mate and I have is our adoration for booze (among other passions for our animals, football and shopping) therefore, my heart burst with pride when she sent me the following pictures of her cocktail slurping dog.

At Kenny D’s Beach & Bar Grill in Destin, FL where “The Bayou Meets the Beach,” you can bring your best friend to dine and (more importantly) drink right alongside you.

Hold the salt.

Once she placed her order, Jacey couldn’t decide if she had made the right decision.

Circling the prey.

But ultimately, she chugged the tasty beverage as any margarita loving lady would do.

Cocktails (along with Grandma), make Jacey one hap-hap-happy pooch.

Cheap date due to brain freeze. One and done!

Keeping it classy – like mother, like daughter. Oh how I love them so!

Cheers!

CBXB

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Tag Archives: beach

Merry Moments

Key West Clicks

Adios Amigos!

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Booze Hound